C.R.E.A.M

This blog is supposed to be about work ostensibly, or my every day life. I'd like to do some creative writing, that's the sort of thing I really want to do, not just blog about my day. But I am very busy working out how to be a grown up, and so I haven't had time for daydreaming stories. Siigh. Being a grown up is very complicated, what with the bills, and the automatic bill payments, and the interest, and the APRs, and the loans you can, and can't, qualify for, and the things that keep costing money without me knowing how, or why, exactly. I've spent the day trying to wrap my head around how a budget works, and if I could stay within one. My mom is a very bad money manager, and my father too. I don't like how they manage things but I find myself falling into the same traps, which then become a rabbit hole. I don't want to take that pill, thank you. I just want to dig myself out. I've been thinking about the need for a car and the need for a car loan and insurance for that car. I think I can afford one, but I also need to pay my mom back for things, and also pay off my credit card debit, and also my grad class. Hm. How can I do this all and stop worrying about money, and whether or not I'll have some at the end of the month? It always seems to go this way. As soon as I found the Job and they told me how much I'd be making in a year my heart did a dance. I'd be free from the worry! It was more than I was ever used to making in a month. I could buy things! But then the reality of due dates and collectors set in. And taxes, let's not forget about taxes. Ohhh. Brrr. That's a cold shower. It's very unpleasant to come down off the cloud of cash and to find out things aren't as simple as it seems from so far up. I think I'll be okay, not like the other post about this I had, but more optimistic. I'm not as broke as I thought and my debts really are manageable, but just having to do these things as opposed to the things I'd like to be doing, and along with all the other non-financial things I need to do and usually forget about, is annoying. Even though getting them accomplished makes me feel super productive, it's still not fun.