Oscar Time

Sometimes, okay, really just when Oscar night rolls around, I wonder what it would like to be there. All shiny and done up for that special night, looking as though everything in your life was perfect, for just about four hours, and then going to those parties, where the newly minted celebrities or the old gaurd celebrities show off their shiny new accessories. And then I think to myself, just work a little harder at that screenplay, or why don't you give acting another shot? Just because last time you sucked doesn't mean things will be the same. You've grown up a lot since then, felt new things, become more confident in yourself. That means a lot. Or, keep working hard at that internship, climb that ladder and you'll get there, you might not be the center of attention or questioned about your dress on the red carpet but you'll still be there. Who cares if you're old now and this is a place that celebrates youth? At least you were there!
Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a year. I sat through the sermon and thought about how we store up earthly goods that mean nothing and that the real reward is doing things for others and helping others. Even if you don't believe that doing these things will mean you have treasures stored up in heaven, like the Bible says, you probably understand the truth in the statement. It seems as though this sermon reinforces the thoughts I've had about going back to school and becoming an educator. It would mean I was helping others with my life's work. Pretty noble of me. I'm sure I'd enjoy it and find a lot of fulfillment in it. And then, I came home and watched the Oscars with my roommates later that evening. It was a good Oscars, nothing too exciting but not painfully boring to watch. Ellen was funny and the interpretive dances, thankfully, short. Moves that I thought were good won and the actors and actresses I liked won. Except for poor Peter O'Toole. And Marty won! Finally!
Anyway, as I watch the Oscars a strange feeling of longing comes over me. I'm dissatisfied with everything around me and I want only what I think will be prettier, more stylish, or cooler. It's not a pleasant feeling, but still quite powerful.
So it makes me wonder, is the Oscars almost as bad as the Miss America pagents? Does it make little girls (and boys) want things they can't have? Or is it really just a big scholarship program that helps those who have the goods go places they wouldn't on their own? Does it give them something to strive for, or us something to be jealous of? And it is all so superficial as well, but come on, when you see those girls up there in their ballgowns, don't you sort of wish you were up there, being admired as well? And when you see all those people in the audience don't you wish you were part of it? Just a little?

I know this is mostly daydreaming for some, but for me it feels like a goal. I mean, this blog isn't called Silver Screen Pipe Dreams for nothing. Just like some little girls grew up watching the Miss America pagents year after year, dreaming of being up there, copying the waves and the smiles, i grew up watching the Oscars, dreaming of what I would say, if I would cry or give a powerful. conscientious speech, what I would do when my name was called. Even after I stopped thinking in terms of Best Actress or Supporting Actress, I had my heart set on Best Screenplay or Adapted Screenplay. I was certain I could do it. And now, as I consider whether I'd rather be a professor somewhere and give up these pipe dreams and move on, I see these people who've been able to do it and wonder if I could too. And I also remember the passion of that younger girl and wonder if I'm becoming too adult to follow my dreams or if those dreams really were childhood and have nothing to do with what I should actually be. How do you know when those dreams from childhood are worn out and need to be thrown out, or when they're where your future lies?

Blueprints and Refried Movies

So Blogger has been asking me to switch my blog over to their new, improved version for some time now and I finally did because it was the last chance I'd have to do it. And once I had I found that I had about 16 comments waiting to be aproved. There was a little icon letting me know. I had forgotten I set it up so that comments have to be approved. And all this time I thought you people didn't care but you like me! You really like me! Or...well...at least you don't hate me. So sorry to all of you that I sent those nasty messages to. It was my own fault. Just like most of my other problems.

I started at my internship for a very cool production company in the city. I don't know if I should tell you the name...well alright. It's Tribeca Productions. I know I promised you all I'd give you the inside scoop on what goes on behind the silver screen but right now I'm going to have to disappoint you because it's all so damn cool. It's a great building. I could work in an office forever if it's as nicely designed and friendly as this one. Everyone I've met is fairly young and well dressed but not in a pretentious way. They seem very friendly. My first day I had to go to Magnolia Bakery to pick up so cupcakes for a gift. MMMMMM. It's goood. Maybe not the best in the world or anything but still good and sugary.

I got to read the script for the movie we're going into production on in March. It's pretty good. I liked it alright. The strange thing about reading scripts though is that not everything is given to the reader. I'm used to reading fiction and in fiction most everything is described for you. You generally understand the motive of the person, even if you don't know what their tea tastes like as they sip it and pulverize their assistant. In movies too, you are given most of the information. You can read the actors' faces and get an idea of where they're coming from. Or their clothes and understand what this character is supposed to be. Reading a script is more like reading a blueprint. You can look at all the outlines and get an idea for what the finished product will be but you aren't sure what color they'll paint the walls or where they'll hang the pictures. And you start to think of it as a fairly blank, bland building and forget about things like interior design and personal choices. You need to think of it like a blueprint but when you're used to looking at the finished product it's hard to readjust.
So, I was reading the script and not knowing who would play what role or what that actor would do with a certain line and it is very hard to get an idea of what is good in terms of scripts or not. I don't really know what producers look for when they read a script trying to decide whether or not to make it into a movie. If I had to do that right now I wouldn't have picked this movie, necessarily. Nothing is wrong with it, I can tell that much, but it doesn't grab my attention all that much. It's a complicated business I'm starting to see. I can tell when something's bad but not when it's good. I can tell when a finished movie is going to be good or not but being able to tell what will be good seems much trickier. I guess that could be why such crap is made. At least, that might be one of the reasons. The other being the need to make money off of refried stories.

There are no small parts, only small actors

And last night I ran into one of them. I was hailing a cab. One stopped to let somebody out and I hurried up to it. I came between two cars to reach the door. And as I did I stepped right into the way of him:
Looking slightly tired and quite handsome despite his height. He walked into a chophouse by my office as I pounded on the window for the cab to stop. And then I called all my friends who thought I was crazy because they had no idea who he was. "Haven't you seen The Station Agent?" I asked in disbelief. I guess I was the only one who thought it was a great movie.

That's the first sighting I've had in New York. I know it's lame to admit that I was hoping to run into somebody here but I was. I know it's a big place but with so many stylish, glamourous people walking around I always kept my eye out to see if one of those glamourous people was someone worth taking notice of. Nothing except some Dinklage yet. Have you ever noticed how his name fits his size quite well? He could be a Dickensian character with a name like that. Well, perhaps I'll have more opportunity for sightings starting February 13th. That's the day I start my internship at a well known film production center in downtown New York. I think I'll probably end up a silly giggling girl staring up at someone I know so well from the movies and not at all in real life. I hope that if I do see someone i recognize I don't embarass myself. It's hard to think of yourself as even moderately cool if you can't stop staring at someone who's famous cause they can pretend to be other people well. I wonder who I'll see? It's like Christmas!