Oscar Time

Sometimes, okay, really just when Oscar night rolls around, I wonder what it would like to be there. All shiny and done up for that special night, looking as though everything in your life was perfect, for just about four hours, and then going to those parties, where the newly minted celebrities or the old gaurd celebrities show off their shiny new accessories. And then I think to myself, just work a little harder at that screenplay, or why don't you give acting another shot? Just because last time you sucked doesn't mean things will be the same. You've grown up a lot since then, felt new things, become more confident in yourself. That means a lot. Or, keep working hard at that internship, climb that ladder and you'll get there, you might not be the center of attention or questioned about your dress on the red carpet but you'll still be there. Who cares if you're old now and this is a place that celebrates youth? At least you were there!
Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a year. I sat through the sermon and thought about how we store up earthly goods that mean nothing and that the real reward is doing things for others and helping others. Even if you don't believe that doing these things will mean you have treasures stored up in heaven, like the Bible says, you probably understand the truth in the statement. It seems as though this sermon reinforces the thoughts I've had about going back to school and becoming an educator. It would mean I was helping others with my life's work. Pretty noble of me. I'm sure I'd enjoy it and find a lot of fulfillment in it. And then, I came home and watched the Oscars with my roommates later that evening. It was a good Oscars, nothing too exciting but not painfully boring to watch. Ellen was funny and the interpretive dances, thankfully, short. Moves that I thought were good won and the actors and actresses I liked won. Except for poor Peter O'Toole. And Marty won! Finally!
Anyway, as I watch the Oscars a strange feeling of longing comes over me. I'm dissatisfied with everything around me and I want only what I think will be prettier, more stylish, or cooler. It's not a pleasant feeling, but still quite powerful.
So it makes me wonder, is the Oscars almost as bad as the Miss America pagents? Does it make little girls (and boys) want things they can't have? Or is it really just a big scholarship program that helps those who have the goods go places they wouldn't on their own? Does it give them something to strive for, or us something to be jealous of? And it is all so superficial as well, but come on, when you see those girls up there in their ballgowns, don't you sort of wish you were up there, being admired as well? And when you see all those people in the audience don't you wish you were part of it? Just a little?

I know this is mostly daydreaming for some, but for me it feels like a goal. I mean, this blog isn't called Silver Screen Pipe Dreams for nothing. Just like some little girls grew up watching the Miss America pagents year after year, dreaming of being up there, copying the waves and the smiles, i grew up watching the Oscars, dreaming of what I would say, if I would cry or give a powerful. conscientious speech, what I would do when my name was called. Even after I stopped thinking in terms of Best Actress or Supporting Actress, I had my heart set on Best Screenplay or Adapted Screenplay. I was certain I could do it. And now, as I consider whether I'd rather be a professor somewhere and give up these pipe dreams and move on, I see these people who've been able to do it and wonder if I could too. And I also remember the passion of that younger girl and wonder if I'm becoming too adult to follow my dreams or if those dreams really were childhood and have nothing to do with what I should actually be. How do you know when those dreams from childhood are worn out and need to be thrown out, or when they're where your future lies?