Freedom of Speech

Sometimes I write posts on here and forget they aren't in my own private world, or my notebook journal (which I really should start keeping again, much less trouble). That people might read them and disagree! I have a hard time with knowing what I should and shouldn't put out there. I know this cyberspace sometimes seems like an anynomous realm, but I learn all too often that it's a very small neighborhood.

So please, comment, criticize, take me to town on things, but know that when I post on here it is often out of frustration, passion or simple musings. They are opinions that I try on like clothes to see which ones fit me, which ones will stick. It is very common for me to feel like a retraction should be made, maybe I need an omsbudman to edit me. I don't disagree with what I write, but I often change perspectives. I think it over a little more and realize, with a flush of horror, that I wrote something for everyone to see that I don't want anyone to see. Or that I might have said something off the cuff that might have hurt someone I care about (a fact that was made all too clearly to me on Friday night). I'm slow, people! I spend so much time in my own head that I forget what it's like in other's heads, and it takes a while for that process to filter out things that I should restrain myself from saying.

Sometimes I say things and forget how they might be viewed, or how I might be viewed by them. I forget that you're not all in my head, that you have your own thoughts and opinions. And I know this sounds juvenile, like I'm a two year old that hasn't realized that other people still exist when they leave the room. I still want you to like me! Really like me!
I'm not saying this as an excuse, that you should ignore what I say because I don't really mean it, like some dumb ingenue that shouldn't be allowed to speak to the public. Or that I immediately disagree with everything I've ever said and flip flop like a politician. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still trying to figure out where I stand on issues, where I belong, and how to censure myself enough that my friends don't hate me, but speak my mind enough that I have something to say creatively. Read this blog if you will, but don't hold it against me if you disagree. And I will try to leave the philosophical discussions that go on in my head out, but the amusing anecdotes of twentysomething life will remain. The only problem is NOTHING'S HAPPENING!