Cinderella at Someone Else's Ball

It feels like a grown up version of prom here tonight. Everyone is dressed up in their very best. The men in tuxedos and the women in elegant (black) dresses. I was not told about the "black" dress and so I wore the only dress I could find in my closet last night at 9:45 p.m. It's baby powder blue and one side is "ruched" meaning it is sort of gathered on the side. I altered a more boring version of the dress to make this one. I have on my cream colored 'sculpture' wedges. I look pretty good and I feel even better. Everyone has been admiring my dress.
I just went down to the stage for the Andrew Lloyd Webber segment. I wanted to be down there when Josh Groban got off stage. And to see him sing. I don't really love his songs. I wouldn't buy a CD and listen to it all the way through. But I love his voice. And Sam and I have a bit of a crush. I also have a bit of a crush on Sarah Brightman. When he came off he stood right by me and it was hard to breath. And then, after everyone went on to take their bows and came back off I got to see Betty Buckley and him and Liam Neeson. Wow. Liam. He looks pretty normal in real life. I would have just passed him by. He stood there looking a little lost. As I walked back towards the elevators, ending my magical moment back stage I passed by Shania Twain who my mom would like me to have pestered. I refrained because she looked a little orange. And dried out. And because I'd like to keep my dignity, even if my mom doesn't care.
I came back down when I had another moment and stood steps away from Reba who I think is totally cool. And she lived up to that. And Reese who is so tiny in real life. She was so delicate and sweet looking. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I take back ever thinking she looked weird and that Ryan was the better looking of the two.
And now I'm back in the office, packing up supplies and regretting my wedges. But it was all worth it for those ten minutes backstage.
And watching Jessica Simpson dig herself into a bigger hole of embarassment. She messed up somethingg during her song, 9 to 5 and started holding her stomach. I thought for a minute her top had fallen down but now I think it's just a nervous stomach. At the end she aplogized for being so nervous and nervously skipped off the stage like a five year old. What a dumbass. When she came off stage, one of the PAs told me just now she goes "FUCK" and started crying and runs off. Reese had to hold her hand during the bows. Iloveherevenmore!!
This event makes me want even more to be a success. I want, not to be on stage, but to do something. I don't want to do any more award shows. I want to be at the award shows. Even if I'm not winning or being honored. I just want to be a part. Not just the receptionist. I need to be somewhere. Will the way I've begun help me get anywhere? But I feel so ordinary. All these other people had such beginnings. I feel as though I'm completely ordinary. As if no one has ever noticed me in a way that might lead someone to think I had such potential. Or any potential for that matter. I think I might have a wee touch of jealousy and depression soon. I don't want to be the person who is helping the creative people acheive their goals. I want to be the creative person. I want to be part of a really great team. I want to be recognize, in any arena, for my creativity. Do I have enough stories to tell and enough drive to do it?

Oh, and by the way, Josh is the nicest person imaginable. It doesn't help my crush any.