2 days and no boss

It's Day 2 of my life without a boss. It's ridiculously nice to be in an office and have no supervisor. I know what I'm supposed to be doing and I do that without worrying that someone is micro managing me. Not that the people I work with do that, it's just a feeling I always get when I'm the new person and have someone to answer to directly. I get nervous that I'll slack off too much or not do something right. I guess it comes from often being in a job where I don't directly employ my strengths but am only here as a person who can do errands and answer the phone. I feel that if I were here because of my strengths then it would be different. Don't get me wrong, I like the people I'm working with and I can do the job well, I'm just tired though, of not doing things for which I have the talent. I think I'm a talented person and I'd like to be able to work in an environment where those talents are acknowledged and appreciated. But I feel like it might be a while in this industry before that happens.

Anyway, since I've got nothing better to do and my bosses are in Miami I've had the freedom to watch tv or movies all day long. And I've got a steady supply of TV shows and movies sent to my bosses for their consideration for all sorts of awards, like the Emmys and so on. The other night I watched a DVD of the new movie 'Little Children'. My boss loaned it to me when I said I was going to see it at the theatre. Today I watched 'It's Always Sunny In Philadephia', a pretty funny show and 'Conviction' not quite a spin off of 'Law & Order' but close. It was cancelled, unfortunately, because I thought the show was quite good. I also watched '30 Days' the TV show that was a spin off (but in a good way) of 'SuperSize Me'. It's Morgan Spurlock's TV show (that also got cancelled) about people living different lives for 30 days. The first episode is about him and his fiancee moving to Columbus, OH for a month and living on minimum wage. It was interesting because it felt familiar. I know what it's like to count my pennies and worry about how much I can spend on food. I'm not saying I've ever been in such a tight situation as they were in but I understand the desperation they probably felt at times. And I watched as they both had to get medical attention because of injuries or illnesses they got from the life style they had. And saw their hospital bills. As one man in the show said 'America doesn't have health insurance, it has sick insurance.' If you have a heart attack and go to a hospital you will be treated. But you won't be treated before the heart attack for preventive measures. I am astounded at our country's way of treating the poor and the sick. We would rather shell out huge amounts of money if you're about to die, but won't pay for small things that could prevent the sickness. It just seems like a backwards way of doing things. I want health care reform.

I also watched an episode about a Christian white man living for a month as a Muslim man in America and a conservative straight man living in San Francisco. They were really interesting and sometimes hard to watch but the kind of television I like. It's sort of like a grown up, actual reality tv version of MTV's Made, where kids become something they've always dreamed of through help and hard work. A change comes about in them that is amazing to see. And that's how it felt with these guys. To see the conservative Christian straight guy go from spouting Bible verses about sin to accepting that these people are a lot like him was powerful. I wish more people could have this oppurtunity. And I also wish that people could understand more about the Bible. I was listening to the Diane Reims show a few months back and she had a Biblical scholar on who was talking about his book. He had become a scholar of the Bible because he was a fundamentalist young man and wanted to know more about the origins of Christianity. It was quite ironic, I suppose, when he began to realize that the Bible was modified as it was transcribed by the early Christians. Things that were never part of Christ's teachings got changed around, according to the Christian who was writing it. I'm not saying the Bible is completely a fake or wrong. But I am saying that the Word of God can't be exactly recorded because of the fallibility of man. If it had descended from heaven and photocopied right then, then I would believe every iota it had I guess, but it wasn't. And i can't trust men that changed things in order to have the religion read the way they wanted it to. Somethings became more severe than they might have begun. I do believe in the heart of Jesus' saying and I do believe that the Bible has a great deal of good and that people should try to live life like Jesus because he was full of love and peace and unselfishness. But do I believe some aspects of it? I can't justify some of it with what I feel as a human to be true. That might just be the human flaw in me but I believe that if I live a life that is peaceful and loving towards everyone and accept the fact that I am not perfect and can never hope to be then I think that is what Christianity is all about. There are also some things about accepting Jesus as your savior. I guess I believe those, but I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. I'm not quite comfortable with that. That might be something I'm never comfortable with but I can't say I don't believe in God just because I don't know understand everything he means. I think that Christianity requires some suspension of belief. It is a strange and magical religion and I understand when people say they can't rationalize that. Neither can I. I'm still just figuring out. And I guess that makes me a Christian. But even that word makes me uncomfortable. Can I say I'm a Christian when I feel as though many of the people who also profess this are people I wouldn't want to associate with?