I'm torn constantly between my desire for quiet, tea and good books, nice walks and lovely food and my desire to get my voice heard. These days, as I make my way through New York, getting lost at every turn (Everytime I think I know my way to work I find I know nothing at all), I wonder what is better; a quiet life or a busy one? It's like my version of Hamlet's eternal question. To be or not to be. I wonder often, and these days oftener than not, whether my calling is to be a screenwriter and stay in New York, hoping to make it; hoping to get my work seen, much less made. Or I could, after soaking up the city for a while go back to school and teach English at a college somewhere where the $2 beer night at the local bar and the townhall players' new show are the biggest excitements. Both offer a different sort of satisfaction. Both offer a different sort of pleasure. One feels impossible and one feels like a cop out.
This might just be a question that seems important now. I might find that after a year of living in the city I love it too much to think about going back and have too many friends. Or I might find that as interesting it is I can't make a living doing anything I want to do and I can't get anywhere and leaving won't seem like a cop out since I tried and decided it wasn't for me.
So far I like elements of the city and I like strolling down the streets. But I haven't explored enough to know that I love it. And for me love is tied up in friends and so far I feel lonely.
On a more professional note, I made a little trip to the NFL headquarters yesterday. Strolling down Park Ave in my black winter coat and boots and stockings made me feel very adorably cityish. Not that that is very professional, but it was an errand and it was a glimpse at a lovely citylife. There is definitely more of that to follow, if I have anything to say about it.
For a real professional note: I've decided to look at finding writer's internships. I don't know if such a thing exists but I imagine that working for a show's writers would help me decide what I want to do and some clear paths. And it might help me with my writing.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
It doesn't have to be one or the other. If you were to become a teacher doesn't automatically mean you have to live in a place where there is no excitement. That's the beauty of teaching. You can do it anywhere. You can be one of those extremely cool activist teacher, with a really cool dog and a husband that writes poetry. You can all live in San Fransisco or Portland and just be coolness personafied. Miss you!
yeah. that's true. I guess I'm just thinking about drastic alternatives and whether I'd want to raise my kids in a city or a country setting. either way I want to cool dog and poet husband! and san fran or portland would definitely be a quieter city alternative I could live with.
yeah. that's true. I guess I'm just thinking about drastic alternatives and whether I'd want to raise my kids in a city or a country setting. either way I want to cool dog and poet husband! and san fran or portland would definitely be a quieter city alternative I could live with.
Post a Comment