Let ME Do It!!

When I was a toddler, my parents like to remind me, I used to assert my independence by saying to them "Let ME do it!" when they tried to help me brush my teeth or wipe or anything else that I knew I could do alone. And that's sort of been my life's philosophy. I'm really independent. I've travelled the world by myself and figured out all sorts of my own problems by myself, sometimes they're problems that I created for myself but I still solved them. But as I get older I realize how much I've been leaning on my parents for help. And that's not a bad thing, but at 24 I think I should be handling somethings on my own. It's hard to let go though. I used to let my dad handle all the red tape that I didn't understand, or want to worry about. But now I feel like if I don't do it I won't know what's going on and how to deal with these things that being an adult involves. The stuff they never warn you about...

I need a primer course in all the red tape involved in being an adult. I tried to fill out my credit report information online because I don't know what my credit score is. They couldn't verify my identity when I tried to re log in so I had to call the number they gave me to verbally verify my information. She asked if I had any student loans and I said I did but I don't know the name of the company because my dad takes care of it. So she said to call back when I had that information. It was a little hard to hear her so before she hung up I asked "So all I need to get to verify my identity is the name of the company I have my student loans through?" And she replied, "Unfortunately we can't give out the information you need because it can lead to identity theft." And I was like, but you just told me, and I'm trying to make sure I get the right information, and when I come back and call you back with it, that I have all the information you need so I don't have to keep calling my father for this information.

What kills me about all of this is that I understand it's "For my protection" and I'd rather not have someone steal my identity, but at the same time I hate anyone having this huge information about me and me having no way to access it. They can easily destroy my life with this stuff and I can't even do anything about it. I hate that someone gathers this information and uses it to judge me, to decide what I can and can't do with my life. I want to be the only one who decides what information is relevant to me. I want to be in control of my life and my history. It makes me feel like this is a sci-fi thriller where someone has a file on everything I've done and it scares me. I don't want to live in that sort of adult world.

Recently I read this interesting article about Harry Potter and the transformations that J.K. Rowling uses in the books. Like how Harry transitions from a black and white world view where the people to be trusted are very obvious, into one where he's not sure who to trust and he understands the motivations of people in new ways. He grows up and into this world where tough decisions, ones that will affect his life must be made, and he can't trust the adults to do the job because they're human too, and have their own fears and hopes and agendas. That's sort of what I feel like right now, like I'm slowly becoming aware that if things regarding my life are to be done they must be done by me. And that's sort of terrifying. Because I don't always have a safety net to fall back on and I'm never quite sure what information I'm going to need or where to find it. For so long I've been running back to my dad who has all the answers, knows my SAT scores and my bank balance, knows what my credit history is like and how to apply for the FAFSA or the car loans I need. Now, I'm starting to do it on my own and even though he is still available I need to do this on my own.I'm also trying to track down my W-2s and my 10-99s so that I can do my taxes for myself. It's hard though to figure out what's necessary, and what's a fair deal when I'm trying to do it by my self for the first time. A lot of it I just try to fudge and hope it's correct.