Well, the fateful day I've been expecting has arrived. My boss called us all into the office and sat us down and began a spiel that I couldn't quite understand. His French accent and way of saying things that he's not really meaning gets me confused. Are we shutting down? Are we out of a job? Did you just say that I didn't work hard and he couldn't get to know me? I'm sorry. I'm confused.
So, I guess this is it. The end of this career path. And the funny thing is, I had just gone from being pessimistic and ready to quit to being a little excited and ready to continue to now being resigned. I had just gotten excited about maybe moving up to Montreal to do production up there when before I was ready to move to NYC with my best friend and try my luck up there. Seriously, I was going to give my two weeks today anyway. It's still disappointing though. I wanted this to work. And now I have to clear out my computer and get my stuff together and tell all my friends and the people I had contacted about this movie and tell them it's not happening. Or, at least, it might be happening but we won't be involved. I'm kind of glad not to have to clean up this mess or continue with it any longer. I want a job where I know what I'm doing and where I'm doing something I'm capable of at this level of experience.
This was getting exhausting and frustrating. When all I wanted to do was relax after school and consider my next move. It just seemed too much and I never trust things that are too much.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Happy Birthday Boss!
Today is my boss' 30th birthday. I worked from home today, finishing some stuff up. It was convienent and nice to be at home. But I came in for cake and champagne in celebration. My friend Aja came as well, to see my lovely surroundings and meet my French boss.
We blew up balloons, lit candles and toasted his 30 years. He gave a speech and we all ate cake. And finished off a bottle of champagne and then opened a bottle of wine that I had brought for our business trip to Montreal. Unfortunately they couldn't take it with me and so we saved it for a special occasion and now I am drunkity drunk drunk at work. Nice. Real professional. Way to go. Ah, whatever. I should come to work more often in this state. It would make things more interesting to say the least. Hmmmm. Sounds like a plan. Sounds like a plan to get fired. But at least I wouldn't care so much. My boss just walked by and I didn't care that I was blogging about being drunk at all. Excellent.
We blew up balloons, lit candles and toasted his 30 years. He gave a speech and we all ate cake. And finished off a bottle of champagne and then opened a bottle of wine that I had brought for our business trip to Montreal. Unfortunately they couldn't take it with me and so we saved it for a special occasion and now I am drunkity drunk drunk at work. Nice. Real professional. Way to go. Ah, whatever. I should come to work more often in this state. It would make things more interesting to say the least. Hmmmm. Sounds like a plan. Sounds like a plan to get fired. But at least I wouldn't care so much. My boss just walked by and I didn't care that I was blogging about being drunk at all. Excellent.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Doing the Good Girl Rebel Dance
When I was in high school my teachers would occasionally start lecturing us on 'How To Get Into A Good School And Live A Happy Life'. After awhile I started tuning them out and thinking to myself, "I can figure this out for myself. This formula can't be the only way."
Now, my boss has been spontaneously lecturing us on "How To Get Financing For Movies". It's annoying because it will just be a normal conversation about our status and then he will launch into it and I'll feel ambushed while trying to keep my face in a listening/agreeing expression.And the thing is, I've read a lot about making independent films and getting them made for little money. I'm not saying it's easy and you definitely can't get the same actors you can with money(unless the script is really good or your brother happens to be Spike Jonze), but you can get it done. And if you are lucky enough to get it into a festival you can get some distribution for it and make some money back. And you can build on that. Wes Anderson made his first movies for very little and was able to parlay that into more ambitious movies. He even did it with very little experience. DIY movie making is super hot right now.
So when my boss begins lecturing about movie making I start to do the good girl rebel dance. I keep my smiling expression on but slowly start thinking about how I would like to get a movie made and how I would use my friends' talents to help me out and that it COULD BE DONE! I KNOW IT! And then I start wanting to run out of the room shouting lalalalalalalala but instead I mutilate whatever is within my reach.
Maybe we'd get somewhere with it. I have enough confidence in my friends' creativity and my own. I know it's a long shot but it's something that I know I could be passionate about. More so than this pyschological/thriller/drama stuff that is so tired. I know that he is trying to make a big budget film here but I wonder if maybe a smaller one would have better success. It could lay the groundwork that is necessary for larger ones to come through. I know that larger ones could move like a glacier and create nice smooth patches for smaller ones but sometimes I think that smaller ones are better because they're like leaks in a dam; they go unnoticed until suddenly they're a multitude, instead of one giant one that crushes everything in its path. Besides, who gets excited over the next MI movie? Very few. Who gets excited over Junebug? Everyone. That's what I want to be part of. A creative force that invigorates the people around us rather than a vacuum that sucks all the creativity out.
The Road Less Travelled Gets Me Lost
I got to work today and our phones had been cut off. Thanks, Shylock, for not paying the phone bill. Why does this blog seem to have become all about his failings? I honestly don't care about him at all but he seems to weasel his way in.
Lately I've been thinking about writing more and more as I've said. I went back and began the re-edit process on my first (and so far only completed) script. I have new ideas all together and I'm hoping to salvage some of it and start new. Similar plot, new twists.
I was working at the Tavern and wondering whether I should just do that and write. Just work an easy, non time consuming job and write in my spare time. I like working at a restaurant because it inspires me. You come into contact with such different sorts of people that all have stories and act so differently while doing a basic thing and it makes my hand itch for a pen and paper. I've started carrying a notebook around with me to record little moments.
And at the same time there is a pull that says I should stay at a production sort of job because it will help me in the long run. Contacts and all that sort of thing. I know that is the responsible way to do it but since when have I been responsible and done things normally?
I'm always trying to figure out a way to worm out of the straight and narrow path and take the path less traveled. But it doesn't often help me. Oh, it might be pretty and interesting for a while and in the distance it's golden green but as soon as I start down the path I get stuck in mud and ruin my favorite pants and then get tangled up in briars that scratch my arms and cheeks. And after awhile I'm lost and the sun is going down and I'm hungry and wet and dirty and just want to find the path that has all my friends on it to keep me company. I've done this so many times before that now I can't tell which are the real roads less travelled that would 'make all the difference' and the ones that are dead ends.
So, I'm stuck not knowing which way to turn and what to do. The sad thing is, I'm only 23. I shouldn't feel this rushed to get things done. Earlier on in the summer I was full of optimism about the possibilities and now I'm just confused by too many. I think I can trace it back to this job and the possibility that it won't work out. I'm okay with that. I have other options that I would like to persue. But what if it does work out? Will I be stuck here for ages doing something I don't like just for the opportunity to do something I do? If we do continue should I continue too? I mean, we might get the chance to move up to Toronto, which would be awesome, but do I want to continue with this company even if it is in Toronto? And is this even a question to get stuck on, seeing as it might not be fulfilled at all? And what if this job gets me stuck in a life I hate but I'm too afraid to change it and I've missed out on all the freedom of taking other paths and travelling to different countries? I'm jumping the gun already.
Lately I've been thinking about writing more and more as I've said. I went back and began the re-edit process on my first (and so far only completed) script. I have new ideas all together and I'm hoping to salvage some of it and start new. Similar plot, new twists.
I was working at the Tavern and wondering whether I should just do that and write. Just work an easy, non time consuming job and write in my spare time. I like working at a restaurant because it inspires me. You come into contact with such different sorts of people that all have stories and act so differently while doing a basic thing and it makes my hand itch for a pen and paper. I've started carrying a notebook around with me to record little moments.
And at the same time there is a pull that says I should stay at a production sort of job because it will help me in the long run. Contacts and all that sort of thing. I know that is the responsible way to do it but since when have I been responsible and done things normally?
I'm always trying to figure out a way to worm out of the straight and narrow path and take the path less traveled. But it doesn't often help me. Oh, it might be pretty and interesting for a while and in the distance it's golden green but as soon as I start down the path I get stuck in mud and ruin my favorite pants and then get tangled up in briars that scratch my arms and cheeks. And after awhile I'm lost and the sun is going down and I'm hungry and wet and dirty and just want to find the path that has all my friends on it to keep me company. I've done this so many times before that now I can't tell which are the real roads less travelled that would 'make all the difference' and the ones that are dead ends.
So, I'm stuck not knowing which way to turn and what to do. The sad thing is, I'm only 23. I shouldn't feel this rushed to get things done. Earlier on in the summer I was full of optimism about the possibilities and now I'm just confused by too many. I think I can trace it back to this job and the possibility that it won't work out. I'm okay with that. I have other options that I would like to persue. But what if it does work out? Will I be stuck here for ages doing something I don't like just for the opportunity to do something I do? If we do continue should I continue too? I mean, we might get the chance to move up to Toronto, which would be awesome, but do I want to continue with this company even if it is in Toronto? And is this even a question to get stuck on, seeing as it might not be fulfilled at all? And what if this job gets me stuck in a life I hate but I'm too afraid to change it and I've missed out on all the freedom of taking other paths and travelling to different countries? I'm jumping the gun already.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Jealousy
My co workers, Indieflickers and Christy, are going to Montreal on Wednesday. They are going to be put up in a gorgeous hotel and then meet with the VP of Production for a Montreal based Production and Distribution Company. We are hoping to close a mutli-picture deal with them. It will mean big things. I am hoping it works out.
I am also green, green, green. I don't know why they get to go and I don't. I want to go to Montreal!!!!! I want a free hotel stay in a beautiful city!
Indie and I were talking about it and we can't figure it out either. Is it because the two of us are only 23 and Christy has business experience from her real estate days and is older? Is it because my boss doesn't think I'm working hard enough? Was it because I was absent on Monday when he decided we were going and I just missed my chance?
I'm more resigned to it now but when they were planning it all out I felt like the little kid who got left out of the fun. I was trying to hide the fact that I was so jealous I could cry behind the fact that it's good for the company. I do want us to get this deal but it was really hard to pretend I didn't want to go. I did make it evident that I want to go on whatever trip might be up next. It may just be to Tokoyo to talk with the video game guys he's been dealing with. If so it would definitely beat going to Montreal (as much as I'd like to go there one day).
And now that they are sitting around having "Exec 101" I'm a little glad I'm not going. Sitting in meetings isn't my style. I don't pay attention well. I don't like talking business. Still, it's Montreal and a big deal. I'd love to be part of that big deal.
There's a great deal of pressure on them from our boss. He's lecturing them on what to say, what not to say, how to say things, what we want and even how to walk and look them in the eye. It really is a crash course in being an executive.
That's the thing I kinda like about this job. We came in as interns and in two months time we've become Associate Producers. We skipped right over the PA part of it. We might still have to play PAs later on, during production, but this stuff is great to put on my resume. Imagine, I can say that in the course of one film I started as an intern, helped to set up a company, ran PR and became an Assistant Producer. If we get this movie made I can get a decent job anywhere if this company doesn't continue.
I'd like to work on a set but there is always time for that. I'd like to write my own stuff but I have to keep reminding myself that knowing people will help me when I do write my own stuff.
I am also green, green, green. I don't know why they get to go and I don't. I want to go to Montreal!!!!! I want a free hotel stay in a beautiful city!
Indie and I were talking about it and we can't figure it out either. Is it because the two of us are only 23 and Christy has business experience from her real estate days and is older? Is it because my boss doesn't think I'm working hard enough? Was it because I was absent on Monday when he decided we were going and I just missed my chance?
I'm more resigned to it now but when they were planning it all out I felt like the little kid who got left out of the fun. I was trying to hide the fact that I was so jealous I could cry behind the fact that it's good for the company. I do want us to get this deal but it was really hard to pretend I didn't want to go. I did make it evident that I want to go on whatever trip might be up next. It may just be to Tokoyo to talk with the video game guys he's been dealing with. If so it would definitely beat going to Montreal (as much as I'd like to go there one day).
And now that they are sitting around having "Exec 101" I'm a little glad I'm not going. Sitting in meetings isn't my style. I don't pay attention well. I don't like talking business. Still, it's Montreal and a big deal. I'd love to be part of that big deal.
There's a great deal of pressure on them from our boss. He's lecturing them on what to say, what not to say, how to say things, what we want and even how to walk and look them in the eye. It really is a crash course in being an executive.
That's the thing I kinda like about this job. We came in as interns and in two months time we've become Associate Producers. We skipped right over the PA part of it. We might still have to play PAs later on, during production, but this stuff is great to put on my resume. Imagine, I can say that in the course of one film I started as an intern, helped to set up a company, ran PR and became an Assistant Producer. If we get this movie made I can get a decent job anywhere if this company doesn't continue.
I'd like to work on a set but there is always time for that. I'd like to write my own stuff but I have to keep reminding myself that knowing people will help me when I do write my own stuff.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Frankly Mr. Shylock
The blog entry in which I take classic Smith lyrics and change them around to suit my needs.
Frankly, Mr. Shylock, this position I've held
It doesn't pay my way, and you corrode my soul
I want you to leave, we will not miss you
We want to go down in celluloid history
Frankly, Mr. Shylock, I'm a sickening wreck
I've got the 21st century breathing down my neck
We must move fast, you understand me
We want to go down in celluloid history, Mr. Shylock
Fame, Fame, fatal Fame
It can play hideous tricks on the brain
But still you'd rather be Rich
Than righteous or holy, any day
Any day, any day
But sometimes I'd feel more fulfilled
Writing my stories about the human will
I want to live and I want to Love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of
Frankly, Mr. Shylock, this position I've held
It doesn't pay my way and you corrode my soul
Oh, I didn't realise that you liked young girls
I didn't realise you liked such bloody awful girls, Mr. Shylock
Frankly, Mr. Shylock, since you ask
You are a useless pain in the arse
I do not mean to be so rude
Still, I must speak frankly, Mr. Shylock
Oh, give us your money ! (please)
I Wanna Write!
All I want to do anymore is write. That's all I've ever wanted to do but lately it's becoming my waking hours mantra. I wanna write. I wanna write. Gimme a pen and paper. (or laptop.)
I haven't been able to take the time to do this lately, and now I have the feeling that the pipes, which were stopped up, are going to start leaking soon and then burst. I know people say if you really loved writing you'd make time for it. I'd like to explain to them my schedule, and then ask where I should find the time to actually write. I'd like to fit it in somewhere but it doesn't seem to work. So I'm reduced to writing on scraps of paper or in odd moments at the Tavern when no one is around. I feel like everywhere I arrive at I'm just catching my breath and once I've done that I have to run off to somewhere else. I can't get my thoughts together.
The whole reason for working at this company is so that I get some experience in the film industry. I want to write screenplays. That is what I love and getting some experience made sense to me. Getting someone to read my work, because I've worked hard for them and I've got connections, also seemed like a good idea. Half the battle is finding someone who will consider reading it.
But now, I'm so busy with my two jobs that I can't find the time to write. How am I supposed to write the scenes that are floating around if I can't find time?
The reason I hope we get these deals closed is so that I can finally get paid here and quit the Tavern. (In addition to getting our movie made.) That would free up my nights and weekends and allow me the time I need to write. I just need 30 minutes a day but I haven't been able to find a whole 30 minutes.
Whew. Thanks. That gets it off my chest a little. Now that I've vented I actually feel like I could do some writing. Thanks.
I haven't been able to take the time to do this lately, and now I have the feeling that the pipes, which were stopped up, are going to start leaking soon and then burst. I know people say if you really loved writing you'd make time for it. I'd like to explain to them my schedule, and then ask where I should find the time to actually write. I'd like to fit it in somewhere but it doesn't seem to work. So I'm reduced to writing on scraps of paper or in odd moments at the Tavern when no one is around. I feel like everywhere I arrive at I'm just catching my breath and once I've done that I have to run off to somewhere else. I can't get my thoughts together.
The whole reason for working at this company is so that I get some experience in the film industry. I want to write screenplays. That is what I love and getting some experience made sense to me. Getting someone to read my work, because I've worked hard for them and I've got connections, also seemed like a good idea. Half the battle is finding someone who will consider reading it.
But now, I'm so busy with my two jobs that I can't find the time to write. How am I supposed to write the scenes that are floating around if I can't find time?
The reason I hope we get these deals closed is so that I can finally get paid here and quit the Tavern. (In addition to getting our movie made.) That would free up my nights and weekends and allow me the time I need to write. I just need 30 minutes a day but I haven't been able to find a whole 30 minutes.
Whew. Thanks. That gets it off my chest a little. Now that I've vented I actually feel like I could do some writing. Thanks.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Next Time Just Copy It! or, how to screw up and still come out on top
Today while sitting around in the production office I stole someone's Washington Post against my better judgement (i.e. against Aja's advice). I knew I shouldn't steal the paper, especially because it was the Executive Producer's, Jack Frost. I just wanted to do that crossword puzzle.
I've become obsessed with doing them these days. I don't know what it is. I just want that challenge and relaxation that comes from using your brain in that way I guess. It's like the way joggers find jogging relaxing. Or so I've been told. I don't jog.
Anyway, Aja said I shouldn't take it because even though Jack Frost is an easygoing guy people can get crazy about their crosswords. If I had known he was actually going to do it I wouldn't have touched it. But I really wanted it!
So I took it and did the crossword, or as much as I could. Then I used Wikipedia and Google to help me do more of it. I didn't finish but when everyone came back for dinner I folded it up and put it back. I didn't think he was going to botherr with it so late in the day.
Apparently he had been looking forward to the crossword all day because around 10 p.m. when things were winding down and he was back in the office I heard some grumbling. Then I heard more from the coordinating producer. "Some asshole stole our paper and did the crossword!!" Jack said, " I can tell it was someone young" and my eyes got wide. Oh shit! I thought. I get a sweet gig like this and then go and screw it up by stealing the producers' crossword.
I piped up before they could sleth out who it was or before one of the other PAs let it slip that I was doing a crossword earlier.
"I'm sure there's an extra paper in the hotel lobby. I'll go check for you." I went to the newsstand in the lobby and paid for a 35cent paper with a $50 dollar bill. It's all I had. I came back and said it had just been sitting around and the crossword wasn't done. Jack thanked me and asked me to make a copy for the coordinating producer. I not only made three copies of Wednesday's crossword but Tuesday's too and then I cut them out and stapled them together to make a handy little crossword puzzle booklet. Lynn and MF and Jack were all so grateful and Lynn told me I was amazing. I just smiled.
When Aja and I left we doubled over in laughter about my screw up and how I walked away from it like a shining star in their eyes. I was awesome! How did I screw up and still manage to be awesome? That never happens to me! I screw up and then can't fix it. I never screw up and fix it so well that they think I'm awesome and don't even know I screwed up. I should take this approach more often.
I felt a little bad though. Aja had lost a key the night before and was freaking out and told her boss. It wasn't terrible but she felt guilty and irresponsible and it was all an accident. I steal a paper and get away with it and they think I'm awesome. It's not fair. I know. Especially because Aja got me the job and told me not to take the paper.
So, I've learned a valuable lesson in film production already. If you can get away with it go ahead. But fix the problem and make it ten times better. If you can't get away with it without getting someone else blamed for it I would fess up. I don't want that on my conscious.
I've become obsessed with doing them these days. I don't know what it is. I just want that challenge and relaxation that comes from using your brain in that way I guess. It's like the way joggers find jogging relaxing. Or so I've been told. I don't jog.
Anyway, Aja said I shouldn't take it because even though Jack Frost is an easygoing guy people can get crazy about their crosswords. If I had known he was actually going to do it I wouldn't have touched it. But I really wanted it!
So I took it and did the crossword, or as much as I could. Then I used Wikipedia and Google to help me do more of it. I didn't finish but when everyone came back for dinner I folded it up and put it back. I didn't think he was going to botherr with it so late in the day.
Apparently he had been looking forward to the crossword all day because around 10 p.m. when things were winding down and he was back in the office I heard some grumbling. Then I heard more from the coordinating producer. "Some asshole stole our paper and did the crossword!!" Jack said, " I can tell it was someone young" and my eyes got wide. Oh shit! I thought. I get a sweet gig like this and then go and screw it up by stealing the producers' crossword.
I piped up before they could sleth out who it was or before one of the other PAs let it slip that I was doing a crossword earlier.
"I'm sure there's an extra paper in the hotel lobby. I'll go check for you." I went to the newsstand in the lobby and paid for a 35cent paper with a $50 dollar bill. It's all I had. I came back and said it had just been sitting around and the crossword wasn't done. Jack thanked me and asked me to make a copy for the coordinating producer. I not only made three copies of Wednesday's crossword but Tuesday's too and then I cut them out and stapled them together to make a handy little crossword puzzle booklet. Lynn and MF and Jack were all so grateful and Lynn told me I was amazing. I just smiled.
When Aja and I left we doubled over in laughter about my screw up and how I walked away from it like a shining star in their eyes. I was awesome! How did I screw up and still manage to be awesome? That never happens to me! I screw up and then can't fix it. I never screw up and fix it so well that they think I'm awesome and don't even know I screwed up. I should take this approach more often.
I felt a little bad though. Aja had lost a key the night before and was freaking out and told her boss. It wasn't terrible but she felt guilty and irresponsible and it was all an accident. I steal a paper and get away with it and they think I'm awesome. It's not fair. I know. Especially because Aja got me the job and told me not to take the paper.
So, I've learned a valuable lesson in film production already. If you can get away with it go ahead. But fix the problem and make it ten times better. If you can't get away with it without getting someone else blamed for it I would fess up. I don't want that on my conscious.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Behold My Future...
Today I am working with my best friend of all time at a production in DC. We're right by the White House in the Hotel Washington. She's the assistant production coordinator and I'm a PA. Basically I've been running around for her today. I refilled her coffee cup three times and printed fifty copies of production schedules. I searched out black 24" bar stools for under $50. It was a desperate search until the coordinating producer decided to just chop the legs off the one we had rented and buy it. I made lunches for people who were stuck in the "truck"--the truck that basically works as the studio away from the studio. It's a dark, whirring, beeping trailer full of screens and buttons and wires that emanate from it, keeping it alive. I've hung out there before and watched as the TD (technical director) decides which camera gets screen time when. It's the work behind the screen that happens so effortless you don't even realize it when it's going well.
We are working in what is normally the restaurant part of the hotel. It has been turned into our production office until Friday. The hotel people come in and set up our meals and run our cords through the lobby so that we have internet.
It is a busy, bustling place full of problems and problem solving on your feet. People mill around asking questions and the nextel walkie talkies beep and chatter. I love it. I love making snap decisions and just making it work. I love it when things just click. This is what I hope our production company will be like in a few months. And I hope it will turn out like this, a bunch of people all working towards a common goal and trying to get things done on time and under budget.
It's all the things I love about waiting tables and none of what I hate. I love the comradery that exists on the set and the environment.
I want to do this for a long long time. I hope it works out with this company that I'm going to be working for because I want this feeling to continue.
I can just imagine how crazy a film set would be. This is just a few days and it's already a little harried here. A film set lasts for weeks and relies on many more people. If we interns are still running the show as we are now and not your typical PAs it will be quite interesting.
We are working in what is normally the restaurant part of the hotel. It has been turned into our production office until Friday. The hotel people come in and set up our meals and run our cords through the lobby so that we have internet.
It is a busy, bustling place full of problems and problem solving on your feet. People mill around asking questions and the nextel walkie talkies beep and chatter. I love it. I love making snap decisions and just making it work. I love it when things just click. This is what I hope our production company will be like in a few months. And I hope it will turn out like this, a bunch of people all working towards a common goal and trying to get things done on time and under budget.
It's all the things I love about waiting tables and none of what I hate. I love the comradery that exists on the set and the environment.
I want to do this for a long long time. I hope it works out with this company that I'm going to be working for because I want this feeling to continue.
I can just imagine how crazy a film set would be. This is just a few days and it's already a little harried here. A film set lasts for weeks and relies on many more people. If we interns are still running the show as we are now and not your typical PAs it will be quite interesting.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Getting The Best Of Shylock
We are sneaking out of Shylock's tenuous grip like a ship slipping out of harbor in the dead of night. The Boss has figured out how we can avoid having to deal with Shylock's shifty shit without getting his lawyer hackles up and getting sued.
Hurrah! I feel like we should pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate. We can finally do some work around here and get results and deals signed and actually get paid! When the Boss was telling us what he has figured out I could barely contain my excitement. I think we all were. I know the Boss was.
There might even be a move to Toronto in store if we're good girls and get the work done. Wow. Toronto. I'd move there. It sounds cool. And cold but cool too.
I just hope we get a chance to actually do some work and get paid for it. No matter how we do it.
Hurrah! I feel like we should pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate. We can finally do some work around here and get results and deals signed and actually get paid! When the Boss was telling us what he has figured out I could barely contain my excitement. I think we all were. I know the Boss was.
There might even be a move to Toronto in store if we're good girls and get the work done. Wow. Toronto. I'd move there. It sounds cool. And cold but cool too.
I just hope we get a chance to actually do some work and get paid for it. No matter how we do it.
Astronauts And Shooting For The Stars
As I was driving to work today (paying for my own gas) I was of course listening to NPR and they mentioned the astronauts up on the space station doing some repairs outside of the ship. It reminded me of when I was a little kid and I thought about how distant astronauts seem to me (and not even literally!) It seemed like that job was so unlike anything I could ever imagine. It seemed like they were just the little cartoon drawings you see in children's books of unusual jobs. A smiling face in a space suit with his helmet under his arm, standing next to the crane operator and the doctor wearing a white coat and a stethescope.
On NPR they had a little clip of the astronauts talking to each other as they worked. One was choreographing what was going on outside and they were joking with each other. It reminded me of me and my co-workers and it made astronauts human to me in a way that not even a movie like Apollo 13 could. Astronauts are people too! I thought, even though their jobs are so unusual, they are up in space with the same feelings and thoughts we all have. It was a revelation and I continued driving and thinking about the workforce which was made up of people too. You hear about vague terms like 'the workforce' and you don't exactly remember that the workforce is a bunch of people. In fact, it's practically everyone I know.
Then, after the astronauts a report came on about HP the computer company and the internal scandal and problem their board is having. Their board leader is having to step down because she authorized an investigation that turned out to be illegal. That reminded me of how little I know. If the head of a major company like that could screw up and make mistakes like that then what about me?
I feel like every decision I make, even ones that don't even seem like decisions, like what I tell a publisher about my boss will turn out to be wrong and I will go down in a blaze. It really makes me nervous. I don't know if it's just because I'm new at this or if it is something I will always feel. I don't want to be nervous about every decision I make in the workplace. This is why people are so unproductive and stay in stagnant jobs for so long. This is why big companies have such poor motivation from employees. I feel undecisive. Its so weird but when it comes to creative decisions I have no problem coming up with a solution and implementing it. It's just this office/legal/financial stuff I have problems with. I always feel like I'm going to make the decision that is either illegal or costs the company millions to correct. It's official. I should never have a desk job ever.
I wouldn't be having one if this weren't an unusual internship for a film production company. I never expected to sit at a desk for hours and have to call people and pretend to be knowledgeable about PR. I thought I'd be laying cables and getting coffee. I thought the extent of my responsibility would be to make sure the talent was there or picking up mail. I'm not ready to leap right into this stuff. I actually would rather laying cables.
Not that I hate the opportunity. Don't get me wrong. I know this is a great opportunity for a person just walking into the film industry like this. And I eventually want to have my own production company so seeing one begin from the ground up is a great chance for me. I guess I just expected the hard labor of filmmaking first and this end of it when I understood that part a little better. Well, if I put in the hard work now I'll get the chance to be a normal PA on the set sooner rather than later. That's what I'm hoping at least.
On NPR they had a little clip of the astronauts talking to each other as they worked. One was choreographing what was going on outside and they were joking with each other. It reminded me of me and my co-workers and it made astronauts human to me in a way that not even a movie like Apollo 13 could. Astronauts are people too! I thought, even though their jobs are so unusual, they are up in space with the same feelings and thoughts we all have. It was a revelation and I continued driving and thinking about the workforce which was made up of people too. You hear about vague terms like 'the workforce' and you don't exactly remember that the workforce is a bunch of people. In fact, it's practically everyone I know.
Then, after the astronauts a report came on about HP the computer company and the internal scandal and problem their board is having. Their board leader is having to step down because she authorized an investigation that turned out to be illegal. That reminded me of how little I know. If the head of a major company like that could screw up and make mistakes like that then what about me?
I feel like every decision I make, even ones that don't even seem like decisions, like what I tell a publisher about my boss will turn out to be wrong and I will go down in a blaze. It really makes me nervous. I don't know if it's just because I'm new at this or if it is something I will always feel. I don't want to be nervous about every decision I make in the workplace. This is why people are so unproductive and stay in stagnant jobs for so long. This is why big companies have such poor motivation from employees. I feel undecisive. Its so weird but when it comes to creative decisions I have no problem coming up with a solution and implementing it. It's just this office/legal/financial stuff I have problems with. I always feel like I'm going to make the decision that is either illegal or costs the company millions to correct. It's official. I should never have a desk job ever.
I wouldn't be having one if this weren't an unusual internship for a film production company. I never expected to sit at a desk for hours and have to call people and pretend to be knowledgeable about PR. I thought I'd be laying cables and getting coffee. I thought the extent of my responsibility would be to make sure the talent was there or picking up mail. I'm not ready to leap right into this stuff. I actually would rather laying cables.
Not that I hate the opportunity. Don't get me wrong. I know this is a great opportunity for a person just walking into the film industry like this. And I eventually want to have my own production company so seeing one begin from the ground up is a great chance for me. I guess I just expected the hard labor of filmmaking first and this end of it when I understood that part a little better. Well, if I put in the hard work now I'll get the chance to be a normal PA on the set sooner rather than later. That's what I'm hoping at least.
Monday, September 11, 2006
In Memoriam
Today I drove up Rt. 7 and listened to the news on the radio. The same thing I do every morning at 10 a.m. But today it was different because today was the fifth year anniversary of me doing that on 9/11, terrified out of my mind.
Five years ago I was driving up Rt. 7 after being let early out of class because two planes crashed into the World Trade Center and it wasn't just some dumb two person plane that got lost like I thought at first.
That was my first thought when a girl arrived late to my Geology lecture and told us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center building. My professor turned on the news and we saw that a second plane had crashed and it went from being a sad accident to a sick joke. How could this happen? How does something of such magnitude happen to us?
And then we left class, shaky and in the rain, to drive home listening to the radio and not knowing anything. And not being able to believe anything because you can't see it for yourself.
I listened to "Eliot in the Morning" and heard about the Pentagon and then I heard about a package being left on the Capital steps and I thought, "This is it. This is the end. There will be no more America. They have taken us out. What will become of us?"
And I was reminded of the panic people must have felt while listening to Orson Wells' "War of the Worlds" and actually believed aliens were attacking. Because it felt that surreal. It felt as though I should be looking up looking for planes overhead while I drove panicked and uncertain down Rt. 7.
I arrived home and my father was already there. We sat and waited and watched over and over and over. The planes crashing. People's shouts of disbelief that what they were witnessing was not just some CGI blue screen effect. This was real. About as real as it could ever get. We are so immune to the firey effects of blockbusters that I'm sure seeing it for real you don't know whether or not to trust your senses.
We watched as the towers came crashing down, a wave of dust and debris and steel bars bending as easily as seaweed. People leaping from shattered windows, hoping against hope that this would somehow save them. Would I have jumped? Or would I have hoped that by staying in the building I would somehow be able to ride it out like a surfer on the debris? How do you come to that conclusion that this action will be better than what is waiting for you, the uncertainty they felt.
We watched it over and over until I thought I would be sick.
My sister came home from school and we remembered it was her birthday. She was 14. We went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesday, the only place that was open, just to escape the television. She stayed home. She didn't want to leave. We came home and returned to our vigil. I couldn't bear it anymore and went upstairs to watch 'Stepmom.' There was a shot of the New York skyline and the twin towers. I thought about how much had changed in a few minutes. We would never again see that skyline in the movies. And the ones that we did see it in would only remind us of what used to be.
The next day as I ws driving to class I couldn't believe that the pavement I drove on could be so normal and gray. How did it not rise up and cry? How did the trees wave so calmly as if nothing in our world had changed or the stoplights continue to change their red-yellow-green cycles and not blink red-red-red as if in panic. Why did the cars drive in their lanes and not stop, resist the repetition of daily life and stand wailing? Were the people in them crying as they drove, like me? Trying to see through a wave of tears and mantain a sense of normalcy that driving dictates. How did the world not collapse for a few minutes, in on itself and grovel underr the pain? How did it go back to being normal? This is what I want to say.
It's been five years and things have gone back to normal, almost. Until I remember our government and how things changed and how they have used that fear to lead us down a path that frightens me.
I am proud of the people that came forth on that day and for how this country reacted swiftly to a tragedy that affected us all. I am terrified by the people who used this to push a hateful ideology. I am afraid for my country and I am proud of it in moments. I couldn't live away from it and I dream of escaping it. I love it in its details. I hope the best for it. I am afraid of flagwavers. I wonder if that makes me a terrible person because they disgust me and make me nervous. Does that make me unpatriotic? Am I abandoning those people who died so needlessly?
Everything has changed. And yet, nothing has.
Five years ago I was driving up Rt. 7 after being let early out of class because two planes crashed into the World Trade Center and it wasn't just some dumb two person plane that got lost like I thought at first.
That was my first thought when a girl arrived late to my Geology lecture and told us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center building. My professor turned on the news and we saw that a second plane had crashed and it went from being a sad accident to a sick joke. How could this happen? How does something of such magnitude happen to us?
And then we left class, shaky and in the rain, to drive home listening to the radio and not knowing anything. And not being able to believe anything because you can't see it for yourself.
I listened to "Eliot in the Morning" and heard about the Pentagon and then I heard about a package being left on the Capital steps and I thought, "This is it. This is the end. There will be no more America. They have taken us out. What will become of us?"
And I was reminded of the panic people must have felt while listening to Orson Wells' "War of the Worlds" and actually believed aliens were attacking. Because it felt that surreal. It felt as though I should be looking up looking for planes overhead while I drove panicked and uncertain down Rt. 7.
I arrived home and my father was already there. We sat and waited and watched over and over and over. The planes crashing. People's shouts of disbelief that what they were witnessing was not just some CGI blue screen effect. This was real. About as real as it could ever get. We are so immune to the firey effects of blockbusters that I'm sure seeing it for real you don't know whether or not to trust your senses.
We watched as the towers came crashing down, a wave of dust and debris and steel bars bending as easily as seaweed. People leaping from shattered windows, hoping against hope that this would somehow save them. Would I have jumped? Or would I have hoped that by staying in the building I would somehow be able to ride it out like a surfer on the debris? How do you come to that conclusion that this action will be better than what is waiting for you, the uncertainty they felt.
We watched it over and over until I thought I would be sick.
My sister came home from school and we remembered it was her birthday. She was 14. We went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesday, the only place that was open, just to escape the television. She stayed home. She didn't want to leave. We came home and returned to our vigil. I couldn't bear it anymore and went upstairs to watch 'Stepmom.' There was a shot of the New York skyline and the twin towers. I thought about how much had changed in a few minutes. We would never again see that skyline in the movies. And the ones that we did see it in would only remind us of what used to be.
The next day as I ws driving to class I couldn't believe that the pavement I drove on could be so normal and gray. How did it not rise up and cry? How did the trees wave so calmly as if nothing in our world had changed or the stoplights continue to change their red-yellow-green cycles and not blink red-red-red as if in panic. Why did the cars drive in their lanes and not stop, resist the repetition of daily life and stand wailing? Were the people in them crying as they drove, like me? Trying to see through a wave of tears and mantain a sense of normalcy that driving dictates. How did the world not collapse for a few minutes, in on itself and grovel underr the pain? How did it go back to being normal? This is what I want to say.
It's been five years and things have gone back to normal, almost. Until I remember our government and how things changed and how they have used that fear to lead us down a path that frightens me.
I am proud of the people that came forth on that day and for how this country reacted swiftly to a tragedy that affected us all. I am terrified by the people who used this to push a hateful ideology. I am afraid for my country and I am proud of it in moments. I couldn't live away from it and I dream of escaping it. I love it in its details. I hope the best for it. I am afraid of flagwavers. I wonder if that makes me a terrible person because they disgust me and make me nervous. Does that make me unpatriotic? Am I abandoning those people who died so needlessly?
Everything has changed. And yet, nothing has.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Shylock Strikes Again
We anticipate his arrival. We pretend to be very busy and hide all the actual work. We sit at our desks and as the hour approaches we watch it pass. "Where is he?" we wonder and then, just as we think it's safe...Shylock enters the office. With his little hunched shuffle and paunchy face. "Can he smile?" Silverscreen wonders, "or is that just a reaction to some shifty deal he's working out to screw us over even more?"
That's obviously why he started this company. Not to actually make movies but to terrorize interns. Why else would he hole us up in this scummy little office and make us haul out trash, buy us the bare minimal of office supplies and then bother us with ideas about contacting Jane Fonda? That's why he prevents us from getting a studio deal and wants us to hire the trailer trash he wants to represent. Can you imagine this playing opposite this? Why else would he pester us about checking our Dell laptops in case they're the exploding kind? I told him in response to that statement that laptops catching on fire would be pretty exciting.
Yesterday he unleashed a new form of terror on us. Just as we did to Cuba and Isreal did to Palestine or Lebanon, Shylock is putting an embargo on us.
Maybe that's a little overdramatic, I was listening to NPR as I drove here to work. As I drove here to work. Let me specify. We are interns. We don't get paid. That's fine. I'm just learning the business and don't expect to get paid like a pro. But now Shylock has stepped it up one. He's not paying for anything. Nothing. Not gas for the interns to get to work, not food for the interns to eat and most detrimental to our company--he's not paying for office supplies. How are we supposed to mail scripts to the actors we want to get, or offers to their agents if we don't have any money for it? How are we supposed to do anything?
What pisses me off the most isn't just that he's not paying us gas money and it is costing me money to work here, but that we could have a deal already. A major studio deal, if Shylock would step back and take a pay cut for now! It wouldn't be a permanent thing. It would just be until he understands the game a little better. Then we could bring in a producer who does know what he's doing and get this deal closed and then Shylock wouldn't risk losing everything. I don't think he knows he's about to lose it all but he is. Our director isn't going to sit around like this for much longer and neither are our actors. But Shylock won't listen to a word we say. Us interns are too young obviously to know anything other than what boy band is currently hot. Nevermind that I'm sending out press releases and talking to the media like a PR queen. Nevermind that Indieflickers is talking to agents and getting our cast together like a bloody professional and Christy is working her ass off as a real estate agent and getting her work here done while moving into her new house and being sick. Obviously you need to talk down to us. Otherwise how would we know who the boss is?
That's obviously why he started this company. Not to actually make movies but to terrorize interns. Why else would he hole us up in this scummy little office and make us haul out trash, buy us the bare minimal of office supplies and then bother us with ideas about contacting Jane Fonda? That's why he prevents us from getting a studio deal and wants us to hire the trailer trash he wants to represent. Can you imagine this playing opposite this? Why else would he pester us about checking our Dell laptops in case they're the exploding kind? I told him in response to that statement that laptops catching on fire would be pretty exciting.
Yesterday he unleashed a new form of terror on us. Just as we did to Cuba and Isreal did to Palestine or Lebanon, Shylock is putting an embargo on us.
Maybe that's a little overdramatic, I was listening to NPR as I drove here to work. As I drove here to work. Let me specify. We are interns. We don't get paid. That's fine. I'm just learning the business and don't expect to get paid like a pro. But now Shylock has stepped it up one. He's not paying for anything. Nothing. Not gas for the interns to get to work, not food for the interns to eat and most detrimental to our company--he's not paying for office supplies. How are we supposed to mail scripts to the actors we want to get, or offers to their agents if we don't have any money for it? How are we supposed to do anything?
What pisses me off the most isn't just that he's not paying us gas money and it is costing me money to work here, but that we could have a deal already. A major studio deal, if Shylock would step back and take a pay cut for now! It wouldn't be a permanent thing. It would just be until he understands the game a little better. Then we could bring in a producer who does know what he's doing and get this deal closed and then Shylock wouldn't risk losing everything. I don't think he knows he's about to lose it all but he is. Our director isn't going to sit around like this for much longer and neither are our actors. But Shylock won't listen to a word we say. Us interns are too young obviously to know anything other than what boy band is currently hot. Nevermind that I'm sending out press releases and talking to the media like a PR queen. Nevermind that Indieflickers is talking to agents and getting our cast together like a bloody professional and Christy is working her ass off as a real estate agent and getting her work here done while moving into her new house and being sick. Obviously you need to talk down to us. Otherwise how would we know who the boss is?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The Intern
I'm feeling pretty fortunate about my job. I really like that we get to be creative and are free to do whatever we really want. I can write this blog. I can look at IMDB and pretend it's actual work. (Looking up who was in what movie is very important to me. I need to know.) I can read all about Suri Cruise and Kate (not Katie) Holmes' escape attempts. Oh, US Weekly, how is she supposed to run away if you publish her route? And is it really necessary to interview people as to the possibility of a helicopter landing on her lawn to whisk her away? Don't you have more important things to ponder?
But one thing that I do not enjoy about my job is translating. My boss is French. He is fluent in English but you wouldn't know that if you read what he writes. He is a novelist and a screenwriter. It would be nice if he could do this in English. But he can't. And I get to do it for him. Right now I am slogging through a novel that was originally written in French and then sent through what I can only surmise was an online document translator. As I was an English major it fell to me to go through and change things so that they make sense in English. For example; "It had its way with him of admiring or of scorning the things and could give you the insane laughter, to make you fall to the shift."
-translates to-
But one thing that I do not enjoy about my job is translating. My boss is French. He is fluent in English but you wouldn't know that if you read what he writes. He is a novelist and a screenwriter. It would be nice if he could do this in English. But he can't. And I get to do it for him. Right now I am slogging through a novel that was originally written in French and then sent through what I can only surmise was an online document translator. As I was an English major it fell to me to go through and change things so that they make sense in English. For example; "It had its way with him of admiring or of scorning the things and could give you the insane laughter, to make you fall to the shift."
-translates to-
"He had a way about him of admiring or scorning things that could make you laugh hysterically and fall to the floor."
I get to go through and change all those sentences. And I do mean all of them. Every last one has at least some sort of edit. My boss doesn't seem to realize that and wonders why I've only finished 9 pages of a 78 page document. Oh my god. This will be my hell. I might as well call myself Sisyphus.
What does this have to do with film production you ask? So do I. I guess it has to do with my boss' business and this is part of it. He's a writer/screenwriter/director and a lot of what he turns into screenplays is what he's already written as a novel. I don't know where this one is going. Maybe because I only see it in the very rough draft stage it is now I can't see the good of it. Maybe that will change. I hope so. I would hate to think that I have wasted two months translating something that is so bad it will never get published. Who knows? Maybe those French like novels like this.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
odd-jobs for me!
After having dinner with an old friend I stopped by Tower Records on my way home. Ah, Tower Records.
I worked there for a year and a half. My last day was December 25, 2005. When I started I was intimidated by all the 'cool music knowledgeable people' and it took me ages to pick out what to wear every day. After a while I realized that a bunch of them are dorks, but nice ones. I started wearing whatever I wanted and being a cool dork too. And then, after a while I got tired of it. I got tired of running a cash register that belonged in a museum and having to pretend that the new Limp Bizkit CD was worth $18.99. And I was tired of making $7.25 an hour.
Stopping by today made me remember the good parts about working there and started me wondering why I left. Sometimes I make dumb decisions that I later regret. Leaving Tower is one of them. Not the biggest one but a regret all the same. I regret leaving because the job that followed sucked so badly that I contemplated running into the street to end it. I didn't think it would that bad.
I mostly quit jobs because I get bored easily. I stay for about six months and then move on. I stayed at Tower because for the summer I was on an on-call basis. And because of this I have quite a resume.
1. Appalachain Spring- I was 15. I got to box up crafty, expensive things for the Christmas season. What fun.
2. Painting Hebrew prayers onto prayer shawls- I worked for this woman that my mom worked for. My mom made the shawls and I painted them. It was weird and only lasted for a little while.
3. Moto-Photo- I worked there for quite a while. I wasn't very good and got yelled at a lot for fucking up people's precious memories. The good thing about it was I could wear whatever I wanted and listen to whatever music I wanted. And the people were cool.
4. Books-A-Million (formerly SuperCrown)- When it was SuperCrown it was easy going and cool. All the artsy kids worked there or at Micheals down the street. When I started working there they had all left and it was slowly becoming Books-A-Million. Not so much a bookstore as a catch-all for tacky knicknacks and Thomas Kincade calendars. I almost got fired several times for reading too much. I'd go and hide in the kiddy section to read. Putting a book addict in a bookstore is like making a drug addict a dealer. Not smart.
5. Cosi- coffeeshop for the masses. They're becoming the sandwich and pizza version of Starbucks. I worked there off and on for about three years.
6. Auto Shop- I answered the phones and tried to understand the mechanical jargon my boss threw at me. He couldn't seem to understand that I don't know what a catalytic converter is or where it goes.
7. Back to Cosi- I can no longer tolerate wearing black except for work purposes. I like how it looks but I CANNOT DO IT!
8. Tower-see above
9. McCormick & Schmicks- Otherwise known as McCormick & Shits or Muck & Suck. I thought I'd like making money. I hated it and I hated having to wear black. I hate hostesses. They are stupid and vapid. Or at least some of them. I hated, hated my boss. The moment I saw him I thought *cough cough* douche *cough* and I was RIGHT!
10. Tavern on the Lake- Much better. Working here was like getting into heaven from the purgatory of McCormicks. Except for the whole "I dated my co-worker and now we ignore each other" thing. But other than that it's great. Tiring but great.
11. My film production company.
One day all these crazy jobs will be behind me and I will only have a memory of a day where I worked crappy jobs for little money. I hope.
I think it should be mandatory for everyone in this country to work as a waiter/waitress or retail person. Like some countries have mandatory military service. This would teach people that 10% is not okay. And neither is being dismissive of your server.
I hope I will never be. I hope that even when my menial jobs are in the distant past I am still polite to my servers. Because I work hard at my jobs and just because I'm a server doesn't mean I can't be the next Sofia Coppola. Watch out.
I worked there for a year and a half. My last day was December 25, 2005. When I started I was intimidated by all the 'cool music knowledgeable people' and it took me ages to pick out what to wear every day. After a while I realized that a bunch of them are dorks, but nice ones. I started wearing whatever I wanted and being a cool dork too. And then, after a while I got tired of it. I got tired of running a cash register that belonged in a museum and having to pretend that the new Limp Bizkit CD was worth $18.99. And I was tired of making $7.25 an hour.
Stopping by today made me remember the good parts about working there and started me wondering why I left. Sometimes I make dumb decisions that I later regret. Leaving Tower is one of them. Not the biggest one but a regret all the same. I regret leaving because the job that followed sucked so badly that I contemplated running into the street to end it. I didn't think it would that bad.
I mostly quit jobs because I get bored easily. I stay for about six months and then move on. I stayed at Tower because for the summer I was on an on-call basis. And because of this I have quite a resume.
1. Appalachain Spring- I was 15. I got to box up crafty, expensive things for the Christmas season. What fun.
2. Painting Hebrew prayers onto prayer shawls- I worked for this woman that my mom worked for. My mom made the shawls and I painted them. It was weird and only lasted for a little while.
3. Moto-Photo- I worked there for quite a while. I wasn't very good and got yelled at a lot for fucking up people's precious memories. The good thing about it was I could wear whatever I wanted and listen to whatever music I wanted. And the people were cool.
4. Books-A-Million (formerly SuperCrown)- When it was SuperCrown it was easy going and cool. All the artsy kids worked there or at Micheals down the street. When I started working there they had all left and it was slowly becoming Books-A-Million. Not so much a bookstore as a catch-all for tacky knicknacks and Thomas Kincade calendars. I almost got fired several times for reading too much. I'd go and hide in the kiddy section to read. Putting a book addict in a bookstore is like making a drug addict a dealer. Not smart.
5. Cosi- coffeeshop for the masses. They're becoming the sandwich and pizza version of Starbucks. I worked there off and on for about three years.
6. Auto Shop- I answered the phones and tried to understand the mechanical jargon my boss threw at me. He couldn't seem to understand that I don't know what a catalytic converter is or where it goes.
7. Back to Cosi- I can no longer tolerate wearing black except for work purposes. I like how it looks but I CANNOT DO IT!
8. Tower-see above
9. McCormick & Schmicks- Otherwise known as McCormick & Shits or Muck & Suck. I thought I'd like making money. I hated it and I hated having to wear black. I hate hostesses. They are stupid and vapid. Or at least some of them. I hated, hated my boss. The moment I saw him I thought *cough cough* douche *cough* and I was RIGHT!
10. Tavern on the Lake- Much better. Working here was like getting into heaven from the purgatory of McCormicks. Except for the whole "I dated my co-worker and now we ignore each other" thing. But other than that it's great. Tiring but great.
11. My film production company.
One day all these crazy jobs will be behind me and I will only have a memory of a day where I worked crappy jobs for little money. I hope.
I think it should be mandatory for everyone in this country to work as a waiter/waitress or retail person. Like some countries have mandatory military service. This would teach people that 10% is not okay. And neither is being dismissive of your server.
I hope I will never be. I hope that even when my menial jobs are in the distant past I am still polite to my servers. Because I work hard at my jobs and just because I'm a server doesn't mean I can't be the next Sofia Coppola. Watch out.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I'm Going For Broke
Some people might say "you just started this blog. You should go slow so you don't run out of steam too quickly." To them I say, "Fuck you." I'm going all out and if I fall flat on my face just before I get to the tickertape then too bad! Cause I'm not much of a runner anyway.
I think I just over-extended that metaphor.
I started this internship back at the end of June and ever since then my mom has been bugging me to start journaling this. Mining the goldmine of shit that is my life. So I will begin at the beginning.
It was a dark and stormy night...
There were once four young, eager interns. They were eager to begin their careers in film and eager to make their mark on the industry. We had Indieflickers, a talkative lesbian with a quick tongue and big heart who gets excited at the thought of her favorite actresses and movies; Euroboy, an artsy, young-faced intellectual who has seen the world and all of its dark sides too; Christ with a Y and me, a girl with a pipe dream about the silver screen.
The first day we sat around in a grimy office building without AC or chairs and talked. We didn't know what was in store for us or even if it was just a big joke. We looked at the cheesy movie posters and wondered what our future held. We talked about our favorite movies and what we did before coming here and how our interviews went. We compared notes. We became instant friends.
That friendship would come in handy over the next few days when we cleaned out the office, put together desks and chairs and office dividers and wrestled with phone companies for phone service and internet service.
Unfortunately Euroboy had brought back an illness from Paris with him. He left us after about a month to get better. I still miss him.
Indieflickers took over casting and got to call her favorite actresses' agents and chat with them and send them scripts. When she hangs up the phone we shout and dance around, amazed that these people will answer our phone calls and even call us back. We can't quite believe it's happening.
I was sad to see two of my favorite actors (Johnny Cash and Chaucer, anyone?) get dropped from our "Wall of Talent" for different reasons. I wanted them here so much but when we were talking about it I couldn't believe that either of them might be considered so I didn't even allow myself to think it.
Sometimes I want to pinch myself. How did I get involved in this? Was it really as easy as answering an ad in Craigslist? Will it really happen? Will our own personal Shylock* stand in our way as we work towards a studio deal because he doesn't know what he's doing and won't take a percentage cut so we can hire someone who does? Will I have to break his knees? Will this company fall apart and I'll have to start all over again or will I be able to stay with them and maybe get my own movies made one day? And will they ever pay us so I can stop working nights as a waitress?
So many questions. Stay tuned to see if they get answered.
* no insult to any Jewish people out there. I'm not like that.But he really is Shylock in the flesh. Complete with iambic pentameter and everything.
I think I just over-extended that metaphor.
I started this internship back at the end of June and ever since then my mom has been bugging me to start journaling this. Mining the goldmine of shit that is my life. So I will begin at the beginning.
It was a dark and stormy night...
There were once four young, eager interns. They were eager to begin their careers in film and eager to make their mark on the industry. We had Indieflickers, a talkative lesbian with a quick tongue and big heart who gets excited at the thought of her favorite actresses and movies; Euroboy, an artsy, young-faced intellectual who has seen the world and all of its dark sides too; Christ with a Y and me, a girl with a pipe dream about the silver screen.
The first day we sat around in a grimy office building without AC or chairs and talked. We didn't know what was in store for us or even if it was just a big joke. We looked at the cheesy movie posters and wondered what our future held. We talked about our favorite movies and what we did before coming here and how our interviews went. We compared notes. We became instant friends.
That friendship would come in handy over the next few days when we cleaned out the office, put together desks and chairs and office dividers and wrestled with phone companies for phone service and internet service.
Unfortunately Euroboy had brought back an illness from Paris with him. He left us after about a month to get better. I still miss him.
Indieflickers took over casting and got to call her favorite actresses' agents and chat with them and send them scripts. When she hangs up the phone we shout and dance around, amazed that these people will answer our phone calls and even call us back. We can't quite believe it's happening.
I was sad to see two of my favorite actors (Johnny Cash and Chaucer, anyone?) get dropped from our "Wall of Talent" for different reasons. I wanted them here so much but when we were talking about it I couldn't believe that either of them might be considered so I didn't even allow myself to think it.
Sometimes I want to pinch myself. How did I get involved in this? Was it really as easy as answering an ad in Craigslist? Will it really happen? Will our own personal Shylock* stand in our way as we work towards a studio deal because he doesn't know what he's doing and won't take a percentage cut so we can hire someone who does? Will I have to break his knees? Will this company fall apart and I'll have to start all over again or will I be able to stay with them and maybe get my own movies made one day? And will they ever pay us so I can stop working nights as a waitress?
So many questions. Stay tuned to see if they get answered.
* no insult to any Jewish people out there. I'm not like that.But he really is Shylock in the flesh. Complete with iambic pentameter and everything.
The Definition of Humility
"When you are older you will know that life is a long lesson in humility." -J.M Barrie
Well, it's been a few hours and that means I'm older. Old enough to know that life is a long lesson in humility.
That email problem I was having? Turns out I was having problems because I am a stupid, computer illiterate person and don't know how to fill in 'reply to' boxes with my email address. After berating the guy at the help desk who was NOT being helpful I found out it was my fault. I berated him. I told him "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS INFORMATION. Why do you not get this?" I had asked him to treat me like an idiot. I was expecting some very simplified like:
"Type such-and-such. Now hit go. Now find the box that says 'cPanel' and type in your code. The code will be your name and company name."
Instead he has the gall to go and treat me like an intelligent employee who has been using computers all her life. How dare he!
I should have known not to be rude because it will only come back and bite me in the ass. I very rarely resort to rudeness because I think you get more results with honey than vinegar as the old saying goes. I'm the one in the office that everyone in the office makes call Verizon because I can sit through their idiocy and still sound as though I'm smiling. I never resort to rudeness because my years as a waitress showed me how uncalled for it is. I feel bad.
Now I have to send messages to people that I want to get publicity for our company from and ask them very politely to "please let me know if you are interested." I don't want to bother them but I don't know if they responded back to me or not. I feel very tiny and inconsequential right now.
Well, it's been a few hours and that means I'm older. Old enough to know that life is a long lesson in humility.
That email problem I was having? Turns out I was having problems because I am a stupid, computer illiterate person and don't know how to fill in 'reply to' boxes with my email address. After berating the guy at the help desk who was NOT being helpful I found out it was my fault. I berated him. I told him "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS INFORMATION. Why do you not get this?" I had asked him to treat me like an idiot. I was expecting some very simplified like:
"Type such-and-such. Now hit go. Now find the box that says 'cPanel' and type in your code. The code will be your name and company name."
Instead he has the gall to go and treat me like an intelligent employee who has been using computers all her life. How dare he!
I should have known not to be rude because it will only come back and bite me in the ass. I very rarely resort to rudeness because I think you get more results with honey than vinegar as the old saying goes. I'm the one in the office that everyone in the office makes call Verizon because I can sit through their idiocy and still sound as though I'm smiling. I never resort to rudeness because my years as a waitress showed me how uncalled for it is. I feel bad.
Now I have to send messages to people that I want to get publicity for our company from and ask them very politely to "please let me know if you are interested." I don't want to bother them but I don't know if they responded back to me or not. I feel very tiny and inconsequential right now.
In France it is 7pm.
In France it is 7p.m. and therefore it is too late for me to call my boss' publishing house and try to struggle through French accents in order to find the person responsible for PR and tell him that my stupid e-mail isn't letting people respond to the e-mails I sent them.
My e-mail isn't letting people respond to me and therefore I don't know whether the press release I sent out to the cyber world was read and appreciated by anyone. I'm feeling very small. The guy at Technical Support keeps asking me to give him certain information like my cPanel login details and when I tell him I don't know what a cPanel is, much less where to find the details he sends back another email full of jargon. It's like trying to get your computer fixed by a robot who knows much more than you and can't understand why you don't know how to read his print out that is in binary code.
And so far today all I have accomplished is setting up this blog to talk about my job in a film production company and going with my co-worker, indieflickers, to the Corner Bakery for lunch.
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