Astronauts And Shooting For The Stars

As I was driving to work today (paying for my own gas) I was of course listening to NPR and they mentioned the astronauts up on the space station doing some repairs outside of the ship. It reminded me of when I was a little kid and I thought about how distant astronauts seem to me (and not even literally!) It seemed like that job was so unlike anything I could ever imagine. It seemed like they were just the little cartoon drawings you see in children's books of unusual jobs. A smiling face in a space suit with his helmet under his arm, standing next to the crane operator and the doctor wearing a white coat and a stethescope.
On NPR they had a little clip of the astronauts talking to each other as they worked. One was choreographing what was going on outside and they were joking with each other. It reminded me of me and my co-workers and it made astronauts human to me in a way that not even a movie like Apollo 13 could. Astronauts are people too! I thought, even though their jobs are so unusual, they are up in space with the same feelings and thoughts we all have. It was a revelation and I continued driving and thinking about the workforce which was made up of people too. You hear about vague terms like 'the workforce' and you don't exactly remember that the workforce is a bunch of people. In fact, it's practically everyone I know.
Then, after the astronauts a report came on about HP the computer company and the internal scandal and problem their board is having. Their board leader is having to step down because she authorized an investigation that turned out to be illegal. That reminded me of how little I know. If the head of a major company like that could screw up and make mistakes like that then what about me?
I feel like every decision I make, even ones that don't even seem like decisions, like what I tell a publisher about my boss will turn out to be wrong and I will go down in a blaze. It really makes me nervous. I don't know if it's just because I'm new at this or if it is something I will always feel. I don't want to be nervous about every decision I make in the workplace. This is why people are so unproductive and stay in stagnant jobs for so long. This is why big companies have such poor motivation from employees. I feel undecisive. Its so weird but when it comes to creative decisions I have no problem coming up with a solution and implementing it. It's just this office/legal/financial stuff I have problems with. I always feel like I'm going to make the decision that is either illegal or costs the company millions to correct. It's official. I should never have a desk job ever.
I wouldn't be having one if this weren't an unusual internship for a film production company. I never expected to sit at a desk for hours and have to call people and pretend to be knowledgeable about PR. I thought I'd be laying cables and getting coffee. I thought the extent of my responsibility would be to make sure the talent was there or picking up mail. I'm not ready to leap right into this stuff. I actually would rather laying cables.
Not that I hate the opportunity. Don't get me wrong. I know this is a great opportunity for a person just walking into the film industry like this. And I eventually want to have my own production company so seeing one begin from the ground up is a great chance for me. I guess I just expected the hard labor of filmmaking first and this end of it when I understood that part a little better. Well, if I put in the hard work now I'll get the chance to be a normal PA on the set sooner rather than later. That's what I'm hoping at least.